Persecution or not?

So I get out of a lecture in one of my classes about early church persecution and I’m thinking to myself, blessed? How in the world is this a blessing? So I started trying to mentally put myself in the shoes of the persecuted. What would I do if everytime I tried to talk I suddenly remembered that my tongue had been cut out of my mouth. What if I had to live the rest of my life knowing that my eyes had been burned from thier sockets? Would I have what it takes? Do I have what it takes? I fully believe that God loves us and I don’t think He wants us to suffer, but how do I explain, “Blessed are you when men revile and persecute you…” Blessed? How? Would I praise God or curse men? Would it remind me that God loves me, or that some other perrson controls me. I know all the “churchy” answers, but they seem hollow if you try to put this into perspective.
If you think about all the men and women who have come back from wars with post traumatic stress sindrome, and think of how that has effected the rest of their lives you might begin to see. What if there was a wave of strong persecution where I live. Would I show signs of pts? most of all how would that effect my love for Christ? In some ways I pray that I never have to face the answer to this, but in other ways I feel as if I may never know unless I am faced with it. Do I NEED to be persecuted or not?

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